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mandag 31. januar 2011

Funny quotes

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

The road to success is always under construction.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

mandag 24. januar 2011

camping in the desert

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemosabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"
“You dumber than buffalo chip. Someone stole the tent."

Checking the Piano

"I'm here to check your piano", said the tuner, standing out on the doorstep. - "But we didn't call for anyone to do that," said the pianist, confused. - "Actually, said the tuner, "Your neigbours did."